Silence Calling Black on White
by DemonUntilDeath
Summary: A new mission has come up after seven years of perfect silence, only what is truly perfect in the world and what has already been lost to the call of silence? Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Right, right, don't own them.

**Notes**: -sigh- don't kill me yet. I know, I know, this is yet another new story and I am SO sorry but I have to do what the muses tell me to do, and they are insistent upon new stories at the moment. Especially this one and _Tomorrow Was Lost Yesterday_.

I'll have you know, on the latter of those two, I took the plot I had (which was actually a comedy (don't ask how that happened with a story about a WAR))) and threw out the entire outline. I though nonstop about if for exactly two hours and fifty seven minutes before the most wicked plot came to mind and NOW I'm going to start writing it!

MWAHAHAHA!

Oh, and this story shouldn't take long to update either (I hope)

I am three fourths done with _Cold Rescue 4_, so it will also be out soon. I'm one fourth done with _Memories Lost 10_. When I get those two our (or at least _Cold Rescue_ and _Tomorrow was Lost Yesterday_ (such a freakin' long name!) I'll go back to _Embrace the Winter Snow_.

So bear with me. I know I'm asking a lot, because I have…continuation issues, but bear with me please, I have a lot of stress going on (no lie, no excuse) so just lend me time, that's all I ask for.

Also, sorry for this being a short chapter. I don't know if future chapters will be long, or continue with the same page count.

-o-o-o-o-

_**Silent Calling Black on White**_

_1._ _Silence Falling_

-o-o-o-o-

Hiei set down his cloak on the back of the chair within Koenma's office. The room had changed since he had last been in it. First, and most obvious, was the more modern, adult feeling it held.

The three chairs in the office, two before the desk and another one person sofa in the corner made the room seem a little more comfortable and, somehow, more business like. Various objects of furniture and knick-knacks gave a little bit more homely feel. A small change in color had darkened the room slightly, though not enough to make a huge change.

Even Koenma himself was different. He sat behind the desk in his adult form, the pacifier, most unfortunately, still in his mouth. He seemed slightly older, though only due to his slightly longer hair, bangs pulled away from his deep, amber eyes. Those shining orbs appeared to know more than they had when he had left, or so Hiei had thought.

Bright red eyes flashed over to the doors, ignoring the silent, fidgeting lord behind the desk. Those yellow doors slid open to reveal two newcomers. Hiei's eyes flashed open slightly, his only sign of an emotional change.

Urameshi Yusuke walked in, his lengthened hair pulled behind him to form abut a half inch long ponytail that looked more like a feather duster than a ponytail. His bangs still fell in front of his eyes, but he no longer had the seven and a half pounds of gel that had went into his hair the four years Hiei had known him.

His dark brown eyes seemed to gleam with a maturity that his former self had not yet obtained, despite all they had gone through. They still drew you into their depths as a friend, no matter who you were, but just pulled you straight in. Except now, they showed you pain that had never been imagined, and the truth of the world learned through it, and the lessons taught by it.

The man's, for he was now a man, no longer in his teenage youth, but the man's posture remained somewhat of a punk's. His shoulders were held back in a sign of discipline, but a certain angle to them gave the slouch of nonchalance, and his walk was one of pure confidence and knowledge.

Beside Yusuke stood Kuwabara Kazuama, his frame tall and thin, his body less "lanky" as it was seven years ago. His posture held the same pride, but it seemed acknowledged somehow, mature in a manner in which he had finally achieved the recognition his abilities truly deserved. Beady black eyes contained a sorrow that puzzled Hiei, never having known the oaf to be one for sadness. But that grief had been transformed and twisted with time into something that gave him strength beyond years.

Beyond that, nothing had changed with his looks. His hair was still up in that ridiculous pompadour due, two or three bangs dangling from the end.

Hiei stared at them with moral content and nothing more before he turned back to the Reikai Junior Lord. He could feel, and actually reveled in, the tension that increased the second those two saw the third occupant of the room. A small smirk crossed his lips.

It served them right.

Lord Koenma cleared his throat slightly, folding his hands atop his clean desk. "Gentlemen…I've called you here today because the Spirit World is facing a mystery that we are at a loss for solving."

Hiei snorted, drawing Koenma's gaze and Yusuke and Kuwabara's glare. "What's so special about the fox that he doesn't need to be here, exactly?"

His voice was harsh and unforgiving, speaking with anger and disgust as he uttered the nickname he had not spoken, nor allowed others to speak, in seven years. The fire demon's red orbs had turned to a similar dislike and had hardened to a gaze of annoyance.

Even though he was the fire demon, he could almost _feel_ the heat radiating throughout the room at his statement, emanating off of the two men standing to the side and slightly behind him.

"You bastard!" Hiei turned to face Kuwabara, the latter man's face contorted in anger and red with rage. His fists were clenched at his sides and his beady eyes were scrunched in fury.

"You idiot." The fire demon's counter was calm and he blinked slowly as he replied with it. This only caused his companion's face to twist in absolute rage, his hands actually beginning to shake

"Hiei…" Yusuke's tone was one of warning, his eyes flaring in an anger that passed beyond that of rage and into the levels of angered sorrow, a level of fury that the fire demon had seen only once before. And that was when Kuwabara had faked his death at the Ankoku Na Bujusukai.

"What, Detective?" he daunted his reply, his voice taunting in its own self confident anger. "Protecting the little yariman?"

Yusuke looked like he was about to loose it, and he raised his fist, the tightly clenched hand charged with spirit energy. One foot had left the ground in a charge towards the diminutive fire demon when a sudden hand was pressed against his chest.

The chocolate brown eyes of the ex-Spirit detective moved over to look at Koenma, who was staring him straight in the eye. There was no talk for several moments, as Hiei refused to loose his nonchalant, unconcerned posture, Kuwabara sat on the sidelines fuming, and Yusuke and Koenma raged a silent battle of stares.

"He doesn't know, Yusuke." Amber eyes sparkled in demanded submission that would not easily be awarded.

"He has no right to call him a slut!" Yusuke shouted out in pure resentment. Koenma retracted his hand from the man's chest, knowing he would no longer attack. Amber eyes seemed to soften slightly against the piercing gaze of his once-employee.

"He has no right…" Yusuke repeated, even as Hiei's eyes narrowed behind Koenma. "No matter what Kurama did."

"But he doesn't know," Koenma repeated as he took a step back, standing on the sidelines of the three of them. "And therefore he has the right to be unaware."

Hiei frowned, annoyed with all the talk about him, as if he wasn't there. He shifted slightly on his feet, glaring at the three others before him. "Unaware of what?" he hissed out. "Where is the damn fox, if you all think it's so important that I remained 'unaware.'"

There was an uncongenial silence that followed his demand and Hiei frowned, suddenly feeling most uncomfortable, being not only the cause, but the main focus of the prolonged stillness.

"What?" he asked in a rude, almost obnoxious tone that covered the sudden dread and an near-panic feeling that overwhelmed his senses with a hazy cloud of genuine worry, though he repeated to himself in a firm, commanding tone, that it was not worry for the fox.

It never would be. Never. Not again, not ever.

"Hiei…" The fire demon's crystal gaze shifted to Kuwabara, who was restlessly moving his weight from one foot to the other. Fidgeting meant that there was something not meant to be shared.

Hesitance, as gathered by the prolonged silence.

"What?" he repeated, his tone no longer covered for worry but for impatience. The lord before him turned his head to the side, eyes narrowing in a guilty shame and drawing his gaze to the floor.

Hiei hated being kept in the dark about things. Especially when someone felt guilty about doing so later, because that meant it was something that he would care to know.

Not that he could imagine what about Kurama he could possibly care to know about anymore.

"It's…" Koenma couldn't seem to get the right words together, and his throat parched with dryness and a lump he could not swallow. "Kurama…"

Yusuke was finally the one to get it all out, and his voice when he did was pained but contained within the parameters of his ability to hold pack the never ending grief. Hiei's eyes narrowed just as he opened his mouth, his chocolate eyes telling the tale before he could form it into words.

And the truth that he saw in those eyes sent Hiei on a spiral towards disbelief, only worsened by the confirmation of Yusuke's speech.

"Kurama's dead."

-o-o-o-o-

DUN DUN DUN!

I am so cruel.

You know, if you haven't noticed, the person I always kill off is Kurama, if I kill someone off. And if I don't, the one who always suffers physically is Kurama, while I make Hiei suffer mentally.

One day, I will succeed in making a story where that is reversed. One day…One day far from now, considering that I've already promised you chapters of other stories and here I am writing yet ANOTHER story.

I AM SO SORRY!

-bowing profusely- please accept my apologies!

And please review, though I can understand if you all are just so annoyed with my inability to post on a normal schedule. I'm sorry!

**Author's Notes** (almost forgot)

…_his hair pulled behind him to form abut a half inch long ponytail that looked more like a feather duster than a ponytail… _I don't know where this came from. I think it's because I just watched InuYasha. Don't ask, he won't have it up most of the time, and it looks better down, anyways.

…"_Protecting the little yariman?"… _Dictionary 101 says that "Yariman" is Japanese for "Slut" though I can not actually be sure. I apologize if this is wrong, and please correct me if it is.

Don't worry, you all know me well enough by now, and the manner in which I like to write, twisting your guys' perception and hints around until who knows what's up and down.

So yes, eventually, (sooner in this story, as the actual twist doesn't come until you get the background) you'll find out why Hiei hates Kurama, why Kurama's dead, and why Yusuke and Kuwabara are so angry at Hiei.

And the world goes around full circle!

Unless…Columbus was right and it's FLAT!

Wait…wasn't Columbus the guy who thought it was round?

Oh who cares, he as a stupid merchant who got LOST exploring. How in Hell's Heavenly name do you get LOST EXPLORING?

And then he misnames an entire indigenous species and instigates the world's largest mass genocide in human history.

Don't you just love Columbus Day, now? We should just celebrate an Adolf Hitler Day!

Sorry, now I'm rambling and quoting my history teacher.

-Bows profusely- please forgive me if the above comments offend: They are meant to make a point, not to encourage what Hitler did at all. He was a contradicting fool of an intelligent man.

…speaking of contradictions.

Alright, now that I've gone completely off topic ((how the hell did we go from YYH to Hitler!)) Please review, and I hope you enjoyed, however cruel it was.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: Um….nothing comes to mind.

**Notes**: Um...this might sound like a "pity me" speech...but it's not...or at least, I hope it's not.

I went on a two week vaca and got a lot of stories written and I was so totally excited about finally being able to update most of my stories but...

I'm kinda down about it now.

The only story anyone seemed to like that I updated was Akumu...so...um...This may be my last update for a while.

I have good self esteem but I lack confidence...so...It's no one's fault but my own, but I might be pulling out for a short while until I can feel better about the way I write.

Sorry guys, but I'm not even happy with this chapter. Everything I read that I wrote on vacation seems to...totally sucks now so...

Sorry, I'll be back when I can write again.

-o-o-o-o-

_**Silence Calling Black on White**_

_Chapter 2_

-o-o-o-o-

Hiei glared at the top of Koenma's desk.

No one moved.

No one spoke.

No one had in the last twelve minutes as Hiei threw daggers and flames with his eyes upon the defenseless and innocent desk.

Yusuke wasn't going to last much longer in this silence. At first it had been almost comforting that Hiei had not gone savage and decided to burn the entire room to bits. But it also showed that the fire demon wasn't going to shrug and tell them he could care less what had happened to Kurama.

But as seen in the order with which he worried about it, he had hardly believed that Hiei would react with the latter response. After all, no matter how cold Kurama had turned Hiei, the fire demon still cared deeply for the fox, and his wound was still fresh and painful.

Hiei opened his mouth slightly, preparing to speak, but found his throat interminably dry and he pursed his lips together to take a deep swallow. With a slightly shaking breath he opened his mouth once more. "H-how?"

Yusuke grimaced slightly at the shaking tones of his friend, and was unsure of how he could answer when he knew the pain it would cause. However, the raven-haired detective didn't have to as Kuwabara gently took a step forward.

"Hey, Shrimp," he spoke softly, and even dared to put a hand on the fire demon's shoulder. Hiei reacted with a short glare that lacked any true force behind it. "Look, we need you to understand Hiei. What we're about to tell you is going to…hurt."

"Speak, you fool," Hiei hissed, tightly drawing away from Kuwabara's touch as he spoke. Kuwabara gave him a pitying, sorrowful glance before he shifted his feet and did as he was ordered.

"Hiei," Kuwabara began, his voice calming and tranquil, but his physique showing signs of slight strain. "Kurama died of blood loss from lacerations to both wrists."

The orange-haired detective did not stop at Hiei's widened eyes, his slightly dropped jaw, or the look of horror that passed through his crimson orbs as understanding passed through his mind.

He did not pull away as Kuwabara gently placed his hand back on Hiei's shoulder. "I'm sorry, man," he said softly, giving a small but comforting squeeze, "Kurama…Kurama committed suicide seven years ago."

-o-o-o-o-

Hiei couldn't breath.

His chest swelled up and clenched tightly, as if trying to squeeze itself through a hole much too small, while swelling larger and larger. Small but slender hands clenched tightly in reaction, shaking ever so as fingernails dug into the soft flesh of the palm.

The fire demon's vision was contrasting with itself, going from a blurry state of clarity to a sharp view of foggy misunderstanding. He tried to move away as objects grew closer before straggling back from him.

Hiei stumbled back from Kuwabara, pulling away from his touch and shook his head as if to clear it from uncertainty. His breath was catching as he tried to take in too much oxygen too quickly into a system not responding well to begin with.

His back hit the wall as he stared at the three men before him, each having approached him to help yet all stopping before they could touch him. There was a touch of uncertainty that ran through all three of them at the pure horror in Hiei's eyes.

The fire demon's brain was jolting in the shock delivered to his system and, like a robot, he couldn't seem to compute any more information. He was shutting down, a self-preservation tactic that his mind was instigating without his consent, ignoring all his so-called control.

His body felt as if it was going into spasms along with his brain. He couldn't concentrate, couldn't work through the hazy cloud of fog that was threatening to darken everything. Hiei couldn't work through what he need to, couldn't get past the first steps in understanding what his old friend had said.

Kurama wasn't dead.

The fox was fine.

Kurama didn't kill himself.

The fox was healthy, off smiling somewhere and laughing, the sound bringing undeniable happiness to those around him.

Kurama wasn't dead, and he certainly hadn't killed himself.

"No…" The whisper was all he could commit himself to as the last of his supplied oxygen was whisked away with that word, a word that he could only repeat over and over again though he felt no one was listening.

No one was listening, because they all still had that look on their face; that pitying, sorrowful look of loss and understanding of that defeat.

He drew away from the hand outstretched towards him, but he could no longer see past it to identify its owner. His background vision was growing dim and darkness threatened at the corners of what he could see.

Kurama wasn't dead.

Things like that didn't happen to people like him.

Darkness fully took Hiei's eyes as his chest ached, his eyes rolled back, and his legs gave out. Yusuke barely caught the fire demon as he fell to the floor.

-o-o-o-o-

Hiei wasn't sleeping well.

Actually, that was a bit of an understatement. The fire demon was barely sleeping, tossing and turning in whimpers and whines. As if he had a fever, a light layer of sweat had begun to form over his pale skin.

Yusuke wouldn't doubt why, the fire demon having just learned that his best friend and lover was dead. Well, he wouldn't doubt why if the fire demon now tossing in his sleep hadn't proclaimed his hate for said best friend and lover mere hours ago.

The detective had to admit though, even with his brash attitude, his newly and utterly worthless outlook on life, and his adamant hate for one of Yusuke's closest and most loved friends, it was still good to see Hiei again.

Granted the circumstances were not what might be called picture perfect for an old reunion.

Hiei whimpered Kurama's name as his brow furled and Yusuke pulled the blanket over him. He had only seen the fire demon like this once before, on an old mission that had gone horribly wrong. Back then, Kuwabara was loosing blood too rapid to count, and Hiei had succumbed to a coma from unknown causes, and Yusuke and Kurama were trying desperately to keep moving them from location to location to avoid capture while both of them could barely stay conscious themselves.

The fire demon had been in a similar condition then, and all Yusuke could do was watch Kurama try to quietly comfort him, whispering in his ear and holding him close. It had often quieted and calmed the small fire demon, reminding Yusuke just how much of a childish innocence the fire demon still retained, despite his past and current lifestyle.

"I'm sorry, Hiei," Yusuke whispered quietly as he watched over the hiyoukai. This was too much to expect anyone to bear; the loss of a lover in a mental and emotional aspect only to return seven years later and find out you lost him in a physical sense as well.

It had been so hard to watch for Yusuke, as Kurama slowly faded into nothingness over a half year period. He could hardly imagine the pain it must have caused the fire demon, who had been there for the first half of those long, hard months.

To this day, seven years later, they still couldn't figure out what had gone wrong. Was it their fault? Had they done something wrong; could they have helped Kurama more than they did?

Who was Yusuke kidding? Helped more than they had? They hadn't been able to help at all. No one could figure out what had gone wrong with the once happy, lively fox.

No one could get close enough to learn.

Yusuke shook his head, it was too much to think about, even seven years later. A mystery that would never be solved; could never be solved now.

Kurama was gone and the one chance they had to understand had gone down in flames. Even when he stood before Koenma, his spirit still weak and fluttering in despair, the fox would say nothing of why he did it.

The only thing he would say was that he was sorry.

Over and over again.

Like a man driven insane by his own thoughts.

The former detective shook with the thoughts of the past. Until now he had gotten through most of it by standing with his friends and working their grief out together.

But none of them had ever recovered the sudden, unexplainable loss of their closest friend, and undoubtedly the one who appreciated life most out of all of them.

Kurama hadn't ever deserved to die.

Kurama had never wanted to die.

But it was the fox's grave they visited every year.

-o-o-o-

Hiei opened his crimson eyes when, and only when, he was certain that opening them would show no tears nor pain nor sorrow. Weakness like that could no longer be afforded; weakness like that got him in this situation in the first place.

It was obvious to everyone else, just as it was obvious to himself, that he still loved Kurama as much as he still hated him. But that was no excuse to go slack on a promise he'd made to himself seven years ago.

He would never again let himself be hurt.

But back to what he needed to concentrate on now; finding out what happened. Was it true? How'd it happen, and most importantly _why _did it happen?

The first sight that greeted him was ceiling.

Okay, he was in a room. That was a good start.

The second sight was Yusuke leaning over him.

He liked the ceiling more.

"What do you want, Detective?" he growled out, blinking his blood red eyes and slowly sitting up, giving time for Yusuke to sit back so they did not encounter one another. Hiei pushed himself up into a sitting position, pushing the ridiculous blanket off of him and gently held his head in his hand.

"How are you feeling?" Yusuke asked as he sat back in the chair, though it was backwards so he could cross his arms on the back. He might have been out of his teen years, but no one said growing up meant you had to do so completely.

"Fine. How else would I be." It wasn't a question, but more so a very annoyed growl. Hiei didn't like the fact that he had passed out; that was a sign of weakness. He was disgusted with himself, in fact.

"Well…we were just worried about you. If you're fine then I'll just go-" Yusuke started to stand from his chair, having a mind to twirl the back around to put it back by the wall as Hiei turned his head away. He hadn't gotten very far from the bed, hadn't even taken his hand off the chair, when the fire demon's voice cut his movements.

"Why did he kill himself?" The words weren't necessarily broken in the sense that he was at the end of his line, but more so in the sense that he was hurting inside, despite his determination to hide it on the surface.

The detective turned and grabbed the chair once more. He had feeling that this topic might come up. If anything would be spoken between the two, it would be this subject.

And it was probably the only one Yusuke didn't want to talk about.

"That's…complicated," Yusuke began, though Hiei turned glaring red eyes on him that told him to spit it out. He was not in a mood for delays and pity-waiting moments. "We don't know why he killed himself; but…well, you know how he was before he…before you left."

Hiei nodded, recalling how the fox had begun to act strange over several months. It had started with nightmares; horrible dreams that he awoke screaming from and spend the rest of the night downstairs, hands shaking and mind lost to the terror that had encompassed him.

It had started with just one, then another a week later and another and another until they were occurring almost every night. Kurama had begun to rapidly loose sleep until he was getting barely an hour a night before spending the rest of the night in the kitchen, shaking.

Hiei had tried to help however he could, but the only reaction he would get out of the fox, if he even got one at all, was just a shaky smile and a less than comforting reply that he would be fine.

The fire demon found himself unable to do anything more than comfort the fox and grant him only a few hours rest each night with the use of his jagan. Guarding his mind kept the horrible dreams away and the terror down, but anything more than a few hours of exposure could damage the fox's psyche as well as his actual mind.

So two to three hours of sleep a night was all the fox could go on almost every night, and somehow he kept going. During the day he refused to speak of the dreams and at night he was too terrified to even mention them. It didn't take long to get to the point where Kurama would not even try to sleep if Hiei wasn't there to guard his mind.

And when the fire demon had to leave for Makai, the youko would go for weeks without sleep.

Everyone saw the difference in him; he looked like death warmed over, his grades were dropping, and his social life was failing. But despite all that, he kept up a happy smile and a cheerful attitude when he could. He was still helpful and kind and continued to enforce his relations with the other spirit detectives, despite their retired services.

There wasn't a single person who didn't try to help, but no one had been able to. Kurama continuously told them that he was fine; that it was just something he had to work through on his own, though he appreciated their support.

It was odd and bothered the group greatly.

When Kurama dropped out of school it became devastatingly obvious to everyone that this was serious, and that he needed more than just his own aide.

Everyone shifted their schedules around to help him in every way the could; Kieko and Yusuke brought him meals from her parent's shop, Shizuru constantly kept him company when Hiei couldn't, and Kuwabara came over often to check up on him. Shiori was in a state of hardened panic; it hit home that her perfect son was inflicted with a pain that no one could explain, and that she could not relate to.

Even Yukina came down on the bus every week to see if she could heal his tiredness with her smiles and her concerns.

And despite all that, Kurama continued to be cheerful and happy around his friends and lover.

No one knew if that was a mask that fell when he was alone; when Hiei was forced off to the Makai. But everyone believed it was just a façade. Kurama had always been the kind to deal with his problems on his own; never one to burden others with his own life.

Yusuke had feared back then that it could get him seriously sick if he didn't let someone help.

He had underestimated just how sick.

"After…everything happened," Yusuke began cautiously, not wanting to bring up the touchy, painful subject between Kurama and Hiei. "Kurama got worse. He stopped sleeping completely.

"No one could make him sleep. We tried giving him pills and he went insane on us. He smashed things around and ended up throwing the pills out the window." Yusuke swallowed thickly. "He was losing his mind, Hiei. After he did that, after he destroyed half his room he just….sunk to his knees and continued apologizing for hours. He never said anything else, just that he was sorry over and over again."

Yusuke buried his face in his hands. "Gods, I've never seen anything like it."

Hiei wasn't sure how to respond. The news that Kurama had grown worse confused him, considering the fox had told him, no screamed at him, that he was the problem, that everything was his fault and it would all go away if he just "fucking left" if his memory served him right.

But luckily he didn't have to respond as Yusuke continued, his voice strained with a thickness that clearly told how hard it was for him to simply recall it. "After that…we tried to give him support but each time resulted in a similar fit. And every time he threw a fit he spent the rest of the day whispering apologies over and over, even if no one was in the room."

Yusuke lifted his head from his hands, taking a deep breath before he could even think of continuing. Hiei watched him with unreadable eyes, unsure how to respond or what to even think. "After that…we had to all but give up. We couldn't do anything, and we had to accept it. And then…"

The Detective couldn't meet Hiei's eyes from that point on and he looked at his feet as he laid his chin on his arms, crossed over the back of the chair. "Shiori called us. She'd been trying to deal with Kurama's changes as well as she could." He smiled slightly at the memories of his next words, "She got to know us really well. But…she called me one day. She was crying when I answered the phone."

Yusuke's eyes had taken a far away look, recalling the events as if he was seeing them all over again, playing before his eyes like a screen. That smile had dropped once more as he stared off into his memories, his voice growing numb and routine.

"Kurama had been in the kitchen, just sitting there like he did every single day but…this time, Shiori said something happened, something she'd never seen before. Kurama just started shouting but not at her, he just kept shouting to stop. She says he just kept repeating that before he stood up, grabbed a knife and…and slit both his wrists." He swallowed hard once more, trying to keep his voice from breaking. "He…He told her he was sorry before he died. Whispered it only once as she held his hand and…"

Yusuke closed his eyes and could obviously say no more. The fire demon sat in silence. As the story had continued one thing had become increasingly evident to the fire demon; something he had to believe in.

"Kurama did not kill himself."

-o-o-o-


End file.
